Last week it was reported that Jacinda Ardern ‘outplayed’ Malcolm Turnbull when speaking at the Australia New Zealand leadership forum in Sydney. No surprises there. Whether you love her or hate her – Jacinda Ardern is one very impressive public speaker.

So how does she do it? Well for starters she gets her audiences to like her.

Now this is much more difficult when you are not actually that likeable. Maybe you weren’t born with bucket loads of warmth and charisma. And you can’t fake that stuff. Think Frank Underwood. Not pretty. What Jacinda does is spend time getting to understand her audience – she figures out what could stop them listening to her – and address it head on. An example of this in action is Jacinda’s recent Otago University Convocation Speech. The main stop signs in the room (things that would stop her audience of students listening to her) were:

1) Alienation (You are the Prime Minister. I am a student. We are not connected)

2) Boredom (I would rather be at the pub than here)

Within the opening remarks of her speech she confronted the first stop sign, head on with a story from her past:

“Now my first memory of Otago was attending Science Summer School as a teenager. My second, was for the University’s Easter tournament where I came as a debating adjudicator. Neither of these things makes me sound like I had any friends as a young person.

Don’t underestimate debaters. They’re the only sports team I know in Dunedin that was banned from the local pubs.“

Within a few lines, she had crossed the barrier from politician to student. And not just any student. But a geeky one with no friends. Hard to resist liking her now.

By breaking down the barriers between ourselves and our audiences, we are able to connect quickly and meaningfully. But so often we do the total opposite.  When preparing to speak to a group, we focus on ourselves. Not our audience. When we are preparing what to say, “what do I want to say”, “how do I want to appear” are at the forefront of our mind. Before we get to the front of the room, “I hope I look the part”, “what are they thinking about me” or even “what am I doing up here!” are swirling around in our minds, creating internal turmoil. This is not being particularly helpful and this way of thinking doesn’t leave much time to think about our audience.

But who can blame us? This is how we have been taught to speak to groups of people since childhood. Whether it was at school, your local sport club or even at church on a Sunday morning. We have been conditioned to think of public speaking as a performance. A show. An opportunity to perform. About us.  And unfortunately with that mind set comes adrenalin, insular thinking and separation from your audience. By thinking this way we are unconsciously putting up barriers rather than working out how to bring them down.

So step one for improving your connection – just stop presenting all together. Stop thinking ‘I’m giving a presentation’ and start thinking “I need to have a conversation with these people about this subject. How should I best approach it?”

Presentations are not about you. They are simply an opportunity to communicate a message to a particular audience. So take the time to get to know your audience and connect with them. Identify what the potential stop signs are that may prevent them from listening to you. Could they feel alienated from you due to your position? Your department? Your sector? Then why not address that stop sign by breaking down the barrier. Tell them a relevant (true) story from your past showing you are not that different. Maybe you used to have their job? Or maybe you use to hate listening to these type of presentations too? Maybe you use to sit on their side of their fence?  Find a way to connect.

A common stop sign I see, is a perceived lack of experience from the presenter. Too often we approach presentations desperate to show off our credibility, our knowledge about the topic. So we start telling out audience about our experience. Our knowledge. All about us. This approach often has the opposite effect, and makes you sound a bit like a blow arse.

So if you detect lack of experience, as a potential stop sign for your audience – try calling it out. Get rid of the elephant in the room. Try this approach instead ‘I know loads of you have more experience in this area than me, and may be thinking – what is this guy up doing up here? And fair enough. So what I am not going to do today is tell you how to do your job. However what I am going to do, is tell you about ……….”. You can’t change the facts, you can’t instantly get more experience. But you can push these stop signs to one side, just long enough for your audience to listen to you (and maybe even begin to like you).

So for those of you still reading. Here is your homework. Before your next presentation, why not try and identify the major stop signs that exist for your audience. And plan a natural and conversational way to confront them head on.

Think like Jacinda. Stop presenting. And start connecting.